This does not only apply to your relationships with women. You should always be unapologetic for the things that make you unique, as long as they are not destructive.
Some people are always late. They could apologize for being late or they could just let people know that they don't really care about being on time.
Some people like to tease. They could apologize for being jerks or they could just say "hey, that's just part of the package."
Beautiful women are likely to call you out on your eccentricities. So should you apologize for that? No way! The same things that they might criticize you for are the things that turn them on in the first place.
I play Magic: The Gathering. For those of you who don't know what this is, it's a fantasy card game with wizards and dragons and all sorts of fantasy elements, with twenty-sided dice and the whole deal. Usually people think of those who play Magic as the kind of guys who live in their parents' basement, wear sweatpants and a wife-beater everywhere they go, haven't showered in a few days, etc. Basically, if you play Magic, people assume you are a complete loser.
People tease me about it all the time, but I just don't care. I love the game. Instead of getting upset or hurt when people make fun of it, I just tell them how sexy Magic is and how much they are missing out, because to me, they actually are missing out! It's a great game! I wouldn't play it if I didn't like it.
Women think that it's funny that I play Magic because I don't fit their preconceived idea of what a person who plays the game looks like. It's weird that someone like me, who is not a loser and who took a shower this morning and who hot girls want to have sex with, busts out the Magic cards with his friends every once in a while and brags about it.
I'm sure there is some aspect of your life that you are a little bit embarrassed about. Maybe it's your job, a hobby, or some band you like.
If you are actually passionate about it, you should embrace it, not deny it! Women love that kind of passion, even if you are passionate about something that is generally considered lame.
And if you are open about the things you are passionate about, don't you think you are more likely to meet a woman who shares your interests and be attractive to her? This whole "game" is not just about having sex, it's about finding women that you are genuinely attracted to and attracting them. It's about finding people who are attracted to you.
You should try to become more involved in the activities that you love and with their communities. If you like chess, join a chess club; if you like tennis, try and compete. If there is something that you are actually really good at, no matter what it is, teach it! I don't mean become a professor, but you can teach classes on pretty much anything at any local community center.
The people you meet there will already be interested in the same things you are interested in, so you already have something to talk about and have an interest that you share.
This is great because it eliminates a lot of the nervousness that you otherwise might feel when approaching an attractive woman. Think about it like this: if you liked chess and were talking to your bros, who also like chess, about chess, would you ever feel any bit of nervousness? No way! Why? Because it would just be natural to you to talk about the intricacies of the game and why you enjoy it.
You can use this same approach with women who are attractive that share your interests, and it's fun. Don't you enjoy talking about the things that you love doing?
Yes, you do.
A lot of men are hesitant to do this because they feel like jewelry, glasses, belts, or whatever are just not their thing. For some reason they don't want to draw attention to themselves.
I can understand that. Being in the lime light can be intimidating. Well, I hate to break it to you, but if you want beautiful women to want you you're going to have to be in the lime light. It's just the nature of the beast.
When you walk into a club, a bar, or a party, how do you see people dressing? There is a uniform for each of these places, and it varies depending on when and where an event happens.
The normal club dress seems to be: a long button down shirt, jeans (maybe slacks), and dress shoes.
If you walk into a club dressed like that, you are going to just blend in with all the other guys wearing the exact same thing. I feel like I should not have to say this, but I will: this is not good for you. Fitting in, which really means blending in, actually hurts your chances of attracting and taking home a beautiful woman.
But how can this be?! Well, let's think about it for a second. What percentage of guys are wearing this uniform? Let's say about 80%. Assuming a smoking hot woman is approached about 10 times each time she goes out to the club, eight out of ten are going to be wearing that uniform.
And what percentage of those guys actually take her home? One in twenty, probably fewer. Nineteen out of twenty don't. That means that most of the guys she rejects are wearing the club uniform. What is she going to associate, totally subconsciously, the guys who wear this uniform with? Guys she rejects.
You should be sure to do everything in your power (without going too overboard) to not fit into that category.
So, here is what you can do: do not wear the uniform. When I go to the club, I try to wear at least one article of clothing that will attract attention that I like. The last time I went out I wore my signature cheap grandpa-glasses from Eyemasters, a very vibrant tie-dye bandanna tied around my neck, a purple flannel shirt, a neon lime green belt, blue jeans, and some Nike sneakers.
Interesting accessories are great because they are nice conversation pieces, and any time a beautiful woman is talking about how cool something is that you are wearing, you are in a good place. My glasses, bandanna, shirt, and belt are all consistently complimented or talked about whenever I go anywhere. People don't even have to like what you are wearing. As long as it's not "routine" and as long as you can vibe with whatever they say, you'll be fine.
And the beautiful thing about accessorizing is that girls always want to play dress-up, and if you have stuff they can try on, you better believe you'll get their attention. I cannot tell you how many times girls will approach me and say "I really like your glasses. Can I try them on?" Now you have something to talk about, and they approached you!
My personal favorite is this huge, shiny, silver Texas- style belt buckle that I wear sometimes. It's awesome because it's so eye-catching. You really have to try to miss it.
But it doesn't really matter what you wear as long as it makes you stand out from the rest of the dudes who get rejected. Like I said, it doesn't even have to look good. It can even be ridiculous. Flava flav, Marilyn Manson, Don "Magic" Juan, all of these guys have really distinct looks, and there is a reason. Have you seen the girls they are with? They are all smokin' hot!
Do this right now. Search "Gucci Mane" on Google Images and you'll see exactly what I'm talking about. He has huge necklaces that look exactly like Oddie from Garfield, and the guy wears three watches for crying out loud. It may look ridiculous to you and me, but he stands out.
You can definitely take this too far. If you dress like a complete clown, expect people to start treating you like a clown.
Do yourself a favor and find yourself some accessories that may be a bit outside of your comfort zone. This is your chance to experiment with your own image and make it more you. Get that bright pink feather boa you've always wanted or those crazy cowboy boots or whatever it is that you thought about getting but then thought "nope. That's just not me".
I've got news for you, buddy: If you wanted to buy it, then it is your style, you are just too afraid because it doesn't feel safe.
It feels safe to wear the club “uniform.” But it doesn't get you laid.
If you are more conservative, then find something smaller that you like. If you don't feel like Gucci Mane is your style, don't try to dress like him. But find someone whose style you like and try to emulate that.
DO NOT DO IT BECAUSE YOU THINK IT WILL GET YOU LAID!
If you do it to get laid, not because you actually like the look or you feel like it's congruent with your personality, it's going to fail. Women can sense that. They really can. Do it because you genuinely like the style.
This is kind of a no-brainer, but a lot of men don't take the time to sit down and think about this. I sure didn't, but I had the benefit of naturally behaving this way, so it didn't really affect me, the same way that it doesn't affect all of the men out there who are good with women.
It makes sense that no one would really think this through. When we see a woman that we are physically attracted to, the thing that excites us is her physical beauty, not her stellar personality. Even if she has a stellar personality, you have no way of knowing that if you've just met, so what do you do? You tell her how great she looks in that dress, those shoes, whatever.
Just don't do it. A beautiful woman, unless she is emotionally unstable, knows that she is beautiful. You don't need to tell her that right off the bat because she knows. Yes, women do like you to verify qualities about them that they think you think are important, and you should do that, but never with a girl you've just met.
Remember, women want to be with someone they perceive as higher in the social ladder. Are all those guys who ogle over her beauty seen by her as higher or lower on the totem pole?
Before you answer that, I'll walk you through it. If you just seem so dumbfounded by how gorgeous this woman is, even if she is gorgeous, what does that convey to her? It shows her that you do not have an abundance of beautiful women in your life. Maybe that's true, but you don't need to advertise it.
Imagine for a moment that you do hang out with really hot women all the time. How impressed will you be with beauty in general? Not very. Why not? Because you are around it all the time.
Are you impressed when your car starts? Are you impressed when an elevator stops at the correct floor? No way, unless you are driving a real piece of junk, in which case, by all means be impressed.
But those things are impressive in their own right. If you took a time machine to the 1700s and picked up the first dude you saw, I guarantee you he would be completely taken aback by the power of the gasoline engine and by the accuracy of the elevator, because he is just not accustomed to seeing those things. You, on the other hand, probably have daily experience with at least one of those, so it's no big deal.
This is how you should imagine beauty: as something that is an ordinary part of your life. Incorporating this attitude into your life will drastically improve your relationship with women, because beautiful women can smell a guy with no game from a mile away. They know when they are being drooled over, and they don't think drool is attractive, so don't do it.
But enough philosophy. Let's get back to that question I asked before. Does a beautiful woman see the guys who ogle over her beauty higher or lower on the totem pole than she is? If you said "higher", please reread the previous couple of paragraphs, because you are completely wrong.
Here is this simple piece of advice: don't compliment a woman's physical beauty if she is actually beautiful and if you don't know her very well. If you do, she will just toss you into the category of "guys who will do anything because I am hot", even if you planned on doing nothing for her and even if you are actually a really great guy. Because to her, those two things, ogling over her beauty and bending over backwards for her go hand in hand.
You will get thrown instantaneously into the Rejected pile.
They fit into the category of "routine". Routine is always bad. Don't do anything that will throw you into that category, because once you're in, it's extremely difficult to climb out. If you must compliment her, compliment her personality, her energy, whatever. If you compliment an article of clothing, make sure that it is NOT in relation to how it looks on her, but rather what qualities it has that are objectively cool.
Here is an example:
BAD: You have very pretty eyes.
BAD: You have beautiful eyes. I really like that deep blue color.
GOOD: I like your eyes. They have a real fierceness to them.
GOOD: I like your smile. It's really warm and inviting.
GOOD: Man that's a bright dress! It makes me want to get up and dance!
Do you see the difference between complimenting a physical attribute and complimenting physical beauty?
And be honest! Find something about a woman that you actually find cool or interesting. Like I said before, women love it when you are "real", so be real!
There must have been something other than this girls breasts and butt that drew you to her. If you are at a club or bar, there is plenty of that. What is so special about this particular girl?
In fact, it can be good to compliment a beautiful woman if it's for something worth complimenting (see above).
Never compliment her physical beauty. Just don't do it.
This one takes a little bit of delicacy in explaining because it can be really easy to do this incorrectly.
You never want to come across as someone who isn't fun to be around, and constantly criticizing your date or the woman you are interested in makes you seem like more of a jerk and less of a fun guy. The PUA community has a whole system set up about giving value and how to respond to indicators of interest and when to neg and all of this stuff that I'm not going to get into. If you are already familiar with that stuff, that's great, if not, don't worry about it. It isn't that important.
With that said, be sure to tease your date. It seems counter-intuitive, but women, especially those who are normally showered with compliments, absolutely love it as long as you do it in a fun way and with a smile.
There is a routine that you are breaking and that you should be aware of. Do you think any of the loser guys that approach this beautiful woman time and time again ever tease her?
No way! They have put her up on a pedestal - they treat her like a goddess. They shower her in compliments and buy her drinks.
Don't do that.
Teasing is really fun for a couple of reasons: 1) it builds rapport in a roundabout way, and 2) it shows her that you aren't a loser.
Let's talk about rapport. A girl will feel more comfortable around you if you do things that you do with your friends, and not complete strangers. You tease your friends, and your friends tease you. It's friendly and it excites women.
Just doing this one tiny thing has already increased a woman's attraction to you, simply in virtue of the fact that you aren't being a loser.
CAUTION: DO NOT DO THIS WITH WOMEN THAT ARE NOT ATTRACTIVE OR EXTREMELY INSECURE. IT DOESN'T WORK.
Why? Well, they simply just don't get the same treatment that beautiful women do. The truth hurts. Less attractive women just aren't attended to by loser guys all day - they don't get the constant attention, so teasing them just comes off as mean, and less playful.
And remember this: you can do anything if you do it with a smile! :)
So a girl who I hook up with every once in a while invites me to go to this hick bar downtown and I say sure what the hell. The place is a real piece of trash but there are a lot of big breasted women wearing cowboy boots and hats so I figure at the very least I get a free beer and get to see some hot girls.
We have some wine at her place before we head out and things are going pretty well. I'm wearing a trucker hat, these salmon colored golf shorts, flip flops, my trademark grandpa-glasses, and a shirt that says “The world’s greatest dad” in all caps. Needless to say, I did not fit in.
But hey, dressing like I'm heading to NASCAR or to the ranch just isn't my thing.
She buys me a drink and we sit at a table. It seems like there is a hoedown or some BS going on that night, and I can tell that she is itching to dance. I do not like dancing, and I have no idea how to two-step or square dance or whatever the hell they were doing, so I had already decided there was no way I was getting up.
Like clockwork, after about 2 beers she asks me if I want to go dance.
“Nope.”
“Aw, come on. It would be fun!”
“Ain’t happening.”
“Aw, are you scared? You big wussy.”
“I’m terrified. Hey, look, there is some old dude looking over here who can’t wait to get his hands on you. Go ask him if he wants to dance.”
“Whatever.”
She gets up and heads to the middle of the room where the dancing is going on. I look over to my left and see this cute couple of girls with some dude. They seem really drunk and I can tell I’ll be bored if I just sit by myself, so I say
“Hey guys! My date just went dancing and I don’t know the cotton-eyed Joe or whatever it is they are doing out there. I need someone to pass the time with until she gets back. Have a seat, we'll all have a drink.”
They do, because if you are drunk and you are standing around and you are wearing heels, you want to sit down.
We start talking and one of the girls is sitting really close to me and we start talking about whatever. I look up and see my date dancing with that same creepy looking old dude and just start laughing.
She sees me laughing at her and runs over, obviously jealous that I already found someone to replace her. She starts talking about how terrible it was on the dance floor and how she shouldn’t have gone, and obviously wants to sit down, but can’t because there is a girl sitting next to me. I tell her to go buy me a beer.
Those other people eventually go do whatever it is they came to the bar to do and my date finally sits down next to me and loves it and one thing leads to another. I won't bore you with the details.
***
Moral of the story? Do whatever you want. You don’t have to compromise.
Look, I hate dancing. I just don’t like it, so I don’t do it unless I’m really drunk. She thinks she can get me up by insinuating that I’m somehow less of a man if I don’t get up right that instant and go dance with her, which is ludicrous, so I just make fun of her.
When she realizes that I don’t care at all if she is dancing with some other dude and that I’m not going to get jealous, suddenly it isn’t fun anymore.
Not only that, but she was replaced in a matter of seconds.
But you don't have to just apply this to dancing and you don't have to be a sociopath to do this. You have the right to do what you want, not what a girl wants you to do.
And think about it this way: pretty girls get what they want all the time. If you do what they want because they want it or even after a little goading then you fall into the category of "guys who will get rejected tonight".
Do you really believe girls think those kind of guys are sexy? Do you think they are getting laid? No way! Beautiful women find that boring, with a capital "B". Women want someone who breaks their routine, because as much as they abuse this power, it's really not exciting for them.
A woman wants you to have a strong will, a strong sense of what you want, and a willingness to just totally disregard her ideas if you think yours are better. It's sexy to them.
Think about it from this angle: you will be more energetic, more interesting, and more passionate doing something that you actually want to be doing. It's as simple as that. All of those attributes are sexy to women, and they come out the clearest when you are doing what you want.
But you should really be doing this for you. You will enjoy your date more if you don't have to grin and bear it. If you do what you want, you will be having more fun. It's as plain as could be. Not only that, but women will have more fun if you are having more fun.
Now, that doesn't mean you should never compromise. Sometimes it just doesn't matter to you what you do. Asian or Italian for dinner? If you don't care, don't make a fuss, because if you do that enough times you just look like an asshole. But if you genuinely don't want to do something, or would rather do something else, do that instead and don't ever feel bad about it.
I remember one time I was at a party in college. It was a house party and where I went to school was in the middle of nowhere and it was cold as hell so of course we were all crammed in there like sardines.
I see a cute girl and I walk up to her and start talking, just doing my thing. I can tell she is digging it so I'm trying to find a way to get her away from her friends so that things can at least seem a little more intimate.
This turns out to be a little bit more difficult than expected, since there are so many people in the room. I'm not that tall, so I can pretty much only see a bunch of heads in my immediate vicinity, which has its pros and cons.
The pros are: this girl, if she wants to keep talking to me, is basically going to have to keep rubbing up against me, which is a good thing. The cons are: it's going to be hard to move this girl anywhere.
She eventually tells me she has to go to the bathroom but she doesn't know where it is, so she asks me. I tell her it's going to cost her.
"What's it going to cost me?"
"A huge kiss on the lips!" I give her a big grin.
She looks a little taken aback, but complies. I wasn't expecting her to be quite as into it as she ended up being, seeing as how I'd known this girl for a whole fifteen minutes, max.
I told her where the bathroom is and she goes. She comes out, grabs my hand, and says we are leaving. We all know what that means, so I'll spare you the lurid details.
***
What's the moral of this story? Women love doing things for you if they feel like you're worth doing things for. How do they know that you are worth the time? You tell them, by making demands.
I'm going to preface this by saying something which probably could go unsaid, but I feel like I should mention anyway: there is always a limit to what a girl will do for you if you have just met her. She will probably get you a drink, hold your drink, do a spin, give you a high-five, do a little dance, maybe even iron your shirt, but if your demand is too lewd or too bizarre, such as "put on this clown costume and hold these tweezers", you are likely to be shot down.
But that isn't the point. The point is that making demands gets a girl working for you, which makes her feel like you sit higher in the social ladder than she does. Most people want to climb the social ladder, women included, and one way to do this is by being somehow involved with people that you feel are higher up than you are.
Be sure to also make your demands non-threatening. It should be in good fun and always done with a smile, otherwise you come off as bossy.
The whole "drink buying game" is a big mess. I don't know who started this ridiculous idea that you can meet a girl by buying her a drink and somehow woo her using only the fuzzy navel or whatever you just bought her, but that person needs to be slapped, because all they did was propagate a cruel, financially irresponsible idea into the minds of men everywhere.
If you buy a beautiful woman a drink, the only reason she will keep talking to you is to get more out of you or maybe just out of simple courtesy. By get more out of you, I do not mean sex and romance. I mean more drinks. Maybe a free cab ride home.
She may even give you her number, but you are not ever going to have sex with this girl.
And why not? Remember when we talked about routine, and how not breaking that routine (and even worse: fitting right into it), will absolutely ruin your chances with a woman? The next time you even think about buying a girl a drink, think about this:
How many times have other men done the same thing? 100 times? 1,000 times? 10,000 times? Beautiful women come to expect that men will buy them drinks in order to vie for their affection. The real irony here is that the only people who actually do this are men who she doesn't want to have sex with and feels no attraction to in the first place. Can you buy her a drink in such a way that is completely different than the way all those other men have? Think about it for a second.
Actually, I'll go ahead and answer that for you: No.
So DON'T do it. Never, never, never. There is no reason. You might as well take whatever it's going to cost you, take out a lighter, and just burn the money right there in the middle of the bar.
That doesn't mean you can never buy a girl a drink, but I try not to because I have no money. But it's okay if you have known someone for a while or if they bought you one first, or if you are just feeling particularly generous. But NEVER do it thinking that it will somehow seduce that beautiful person you are sitting next to.
What's the best way to break this routine? Turn it around! Have her buy you a drink. A lot of guys cannot wrap their heads around this because it just seems totally outside of how they feel men and women should interact, which it is, but it actually works, even on a first date or with people you have just met.
Really. Just say: "You should buy me a drink. I prefer gin, but I'll take a beer..." or whatever it is you like to drink. Do this with a big smile on your face and beautiful women will eat it up. Remember, hot women love performing for men they perceive to be higher in social rank. By telling her what she should do, you demonstrate exactly that.
And also, who doesn't want a free drink? I sure do, and I bet you do, too.
Now here is the one disclaimer on this tip: it does not work on mediocre looking or ugly women. You are breaking their routine, only because they are being approached by a man, period, and not because they are used to men buying them drinks. They aren't.
But I digress. Those women, although valuable members of any society, aren't the subject of discussion for today. We are interested in the beauties. So, with that said, say this aloud three times in front of a mirror, just to make sure that it sticks: I, [your first and last name], will never, under any circumstance, buy a drink for a girl I just met with the explicit intention of having sex with her.
I was at a house party at school and ran into a girl who I had known for a little while, who I always thought was cute but for some reason just never tried to romance. We got to talking for a bit and after we had a few drinks we started to get to talking about the real serious stuff: alien abduction. Look, I'm a fan of conspiracy theories. I think they are ridiculous, but fun, and especially fun for little role plays with beautiful women that I'm interested in.
I ask her if she believes in aliens. She tells me no, definitely not.
I asked her how she would feel if I were to tell her that aliens have been coming down to Earth disguised as humans for the past few thousand years and mating with people. She laughs and says, "That’s ridiculous."
I lean really close to her and whisper into her ear, in the cheesiest robot/alien sounding voice that I can conjure up: Take me to your leader.
Of course she thinks this is a total riot. She says "Okay, Mr. E.T." or something like that and takes me to meet some of her friends.
I introduce myself in a completely normal way, and I can tell she is a bit disappointed. I again whisper to her, "look, it's not that I don't trust you, it's that we really aren't supposed to tell anybody about this whole thing. I could lose my job!"
She laughs and I excuse myself and go talk to some of my friends. I see this girl later without her people and I approach her and tell her I've decided it would be best if she saw my spaceship. I ask her which planet she wants to fly to. She tells me Jupiter.
"No, not Jupiter. I've got warrants there. Let's go to Uranus."
She gives me a coy look and says "How about Neptune."
I agree and tell her that have a great bar there and say we should leave. I tell her I'll pick her up a space suite on the way and we go to a bar down the street and then later back to my place.
***
Women love to use their imaginations and go to fantasy land, and a great way to do that is to role play with them. I like to make it as absurd as possible for a couple of reasons: First, because I am more likely to enjoy it and Second, because it's way outside of their normal interactions with men who want to take them to bed.
You really should do this, and I encourage you to make sure that it's always about something you find fascinating and can get passionate about. Try your best to make sure that she is a character in the game. Get her to do things, say things, act out a part. I know that can be a little bit intimidating in a room full of people, so you don't have to be that obvious. Notice how the only time I talked about the whole alien abduction thing was when I was talking to her, and even then I was whispering to her.
Because role playing doesn't involve everyone at the bar or party or Wal-Mart clientele or wherever it is you are, it feels to her, and probably to you, like you guys are the only ones in on this cool joke or game you just started. There is some exclusivity that women find sexy, even if it's rooted in something as ridiculous as alien abduction.
And because this whole think is supposed to invoke the feelings of secrecy and exclusivity, you can do things like lean in and whisper in her ear without being creepy about it.
Role play is a really great opportunity to show off aspects of your genuine personality. You should always role play about things that you are interested, already passionate about, or could get passionate about. The reason I say this is because if you are role playing about something you couldn't care less about, you are way less likely to get into it and make it interesting.
Women will play off of your enthusiasm, and it's pretty hard to be enthusiastic if you don't care about the fantasy that you are building. So, really, if you like fantasy games or whatever, give your role play a fantasy twist. You like crime novels? Everybody love espionage and secrets, so be spies! Do you like cooking? Talk about an imaginary bakery or restaurant that you two will start.
But be sure to make your role plays spicy. Make them ridiculous! Throw curve balls at them! Women will appreciate your innovation and creativity.
Honesty time: Not everybody likes his job.
In fact, most people hate their jobs. To them, their job is just some BS they have to do every day in order to pay the bills. It is in no way a reflection of their personality. It is simply a necessity.
That's fine.
So why is it that so many guys want to talk about work? It's BORING! But of course you know this already because YOU HATE YOUR JOB. So stop doing it!
A lot of guys think that complaining about their work somehow constitutes as conversation. This is not true. Maybe you need someone to feel pity for you because your boss is an asshole. Well, don't expect it from the girl you are talking to at the bar. Expect just a bored sigh and then except to get shut down.
Unless there is some way to make it sound exciting, which you definitely can do and we will talk about, just don't talk about your job. Why? Because she is going to get bored, you're going to get bored, and you're just going to drag everyone down.
Think about it this way: would you ever talk about the Holocaust with a girl you just met? No way! Everybody gets bummed out talking about the Holocaust! And with good reason. That doesn't mean you should never do it, but if people are at a club or at a bar, chances are they are trying to have fun!
So, how can you talk about your job in a way that's exciting and fun? For starters, you could have an exciting and fun job! Maybe you are a dolphin trainer or a secret agent or something. Kudos to you.
For the rest of us that aren't dolphin trainers, lets do this exercise: think of all the things that are actually cool about your job, because no matter what your job is, there is something good about it. Otherwise, you would have either quit or killed yourself by now. There is something keeping you there other than money.
There is always a better way to phrase your experience at work other than "I sell stocks" or "I mop floors". Try and find a way. Maybe you instead of "selling stocks" you "control the United States economy" (sounds sexy, right?) or instead of "mopping floors" you do "disaster prevention and clean-up" at some building.
These aren't lies. They are just fun ways to talk about your job. More than likely they will ask what it means to do "disaster prevention and clean-up", in which case you can tell her the real title of your job and it's funny instead of boring. Also, if you have a job that is seen as a stigma, this will be offset by your sense of humor about it.
If you feel like your job does not reflect anything about who you are, then just don't even mention it. Women may ask you what you do for a living, either because they have nothing better to say or because they feel like they have to follow this stupid social script.
In this case, you can either turn it into a game or a role play or just not answer the question. You can just say, very plainly, that you are at the bar to have fun, not to talk about work. Which you are, aren't you?
This leads us to a even larger and more important topic, which is conversation in general. Why would you ever talk about something that you are totally uninterested in? To humor somebody else? To be polite? To become interested? Yeah, right.
People talk to one another in order to convey something about themselves, and if you feel like you can't do that, regardless of what the topic is, feel free to change it. You should make it your goal to always talk about things that you are passionate about!
A woman wants to hear about what makes you tick, not what makes you want to die. In the same way you shouldn't talk about your job (if you hate it), you should talk about the things that you live for.
I'm going to let you in on a big secret. It does NOT matter what you are passionate about, so long as you are passionate about SOMETHING.
It is also not true to say that you have no passions. If you do, in fact, have no passions, then you need to go out and find one or see a therapist and you have issues that extend way beyond the problem of not attracting women. For those of us who are passionate about at least one thing, harness that energy!
Think about something that you are passionate about. Maybe it's cars, your family, World of Warcraft, cooking, architecture, art, music, hats, dogs, politics, cats, post-modern chair design, whatever! Really think about it. Think about all the intricacies of that passion and how it makes you feel.
Doesn't it feel awesome?! Can't you feel an exciting energy when you think about the things that you are passionate about?
Women eat that stuff up!
By this I mean: indulge your passions.
Forget dating and women for a second. Let's focus on you.
Don't you want to live a life that's fulfilling and full of excitement? Of course you do. Everybody does. So why is it that so many people just kind of drift through life, one mortgage payment at a time? Why don't people do what excites them?
I'll admit, there are plenty of things that get in the way between a man and his passion. He has to pay bills, and to do that he needs a job, which he may not like, and he's tired at the end of the day.
This sucks, but it can be fixed.
Now, I'm not saying that you should quit your job or do anything drastic. But think about that energy that you feel when you are doing something you love - something that you are passionate about.
Make an effort, and I mean a real effort, to make that passion a larger part of your life. If you like bug collecting, go collect some more bugs! If you like NASCAR, go to the track more often!
Like I said before, it really doesn't matter what that passion is. I'm serious. Maybe you collect trash. Most people think that sounds disgusting, but there is a reason you do it, right? Is it the history of that newly procured piece of trash? Is it the idea of preserving what could in a thousand years be a cultural artifact? What is it about collecting trash that you like or gets you excited?
Women will love the excitement that you feel talking about it, and they will love the excitement that they get talking to you about it.
And it's not just that. Women want an insight into the "real you". Pickup lines, openers, routines, canned material - all of these do nothing to demonstrate anything about your actual self. Sure, these things do serve a purpose. They make it easier for guys to get comfortable approaching women, and that's fine. But they don't offer any insight about you, and that's why they ultimately fail for people who feel any sort of discomfort reciting lines.
A lot of guys are simply uncomfortable reciting material that they either wrote conjured up earlier or found on the internet. They feel like they are being deceitful, and for a good reason. They are trying to convey a genuineness that is simply not there.
So just stop. You don't need canned material when you have genuine material you can talk about. You will feel more at ease if you don't have to worry whether or not you are getting the lines right, and you will definitely enjoy approaching women more when you have the opportunity to talk about things that you actually care about.
Not everybody wants to go to the bar or the club to find women, and that's fine. While it is true that you are more likely to find women who want to be approached in those places, it is not necessary for you to go to a party atmosphere to meet women.
For people that like going to party-style environments, these places are great. They feel like they are playing on their home turf, so there is much less discomfort for them than say, a guy whose evenings are spent sipping coffee at the local Starbucks reading the paper or working on his novel.
If you are the type of guy who loves going to bars and clubs and parties, keep on truckin'. If not, don't fret!
I'll let you in on a little secret: Women are EVERYWHERE.
Seriously, everywhere. The world is packed full of women. Statistically speaking, barring a few exceptions such as China and India, women outnumber men on this planet, so don't believe for a second that they all congregate at the bar every Friday and Saturday, because it's just not true. And no, that's not even where all the hot ones are.
Women come in all different flavors, and you can bet your britches that there are women who share your interests. So why not look for women in a way that makes you comfortable, or in an environment that feels right to you?
If you are a book worm, go to the library. If you are really internet-savvy, try online dating. If you are an avid bowler, go to the bowling alley.
Now, there are some activities that generally either don't attract women or decrease your odds of finding a woman in the area. Hunting, for example, is not a good way to meet new people. Part of the fundamental aspects of hunting are solitude and silence, so unless you are looking for a banshee who lives in the forest, don't expect to find the girl of your dreams.
But there are plenty of places that are rich in beautiful women that you may find interesting. Are you interested in massage or yoga? You better go sign up, because women are also interested. Culinary arts? Do it! Volunteer work?
Have at it.
In fact, a recent study showed that women who are in "mating mode" tend to gravitate towards activities like volunteering or community service. Men tended do things like buy fancy cars or yachts or big screen TVs, but guys, let's be real. I can't afford a yacht. Hell, I can't afford a big screen TV!
Be proactive, and find activities that you genuinely want to pursue, and chances are you will find women there. And it's not just that you will find women there. You will find women who you already have something in common with. How hard is it to start a conversation about something you enjoy doing and you know she enjoys also? It's easy as pie.
Don't feel confined to the club and the bar. There is a whole plethora of places you can go to find women. Go where you are comfortable and where you feel most at home, and it will be that much easier for you.
Everyone wants to be happy, but not everyone is happy. It is just a matter of fact that happy people are more attractive to women than people who are sulking all the time. If you have just met a woman, will she want to be around you if you are acting bored, depressed, or sad? No way! You drain the energy and excitement that she had before she ran into you.
But what about if you are happy? Then a woman gets to bask in your energy and your excitement. If she wasn't in that great of a mood, you lift her up! You want a woman to associate positive emotions with you, because, obviously, that's what people are drawn to.
Do you like hanging out with someone because they make you feel depressed? Hell no! It just doesn't happen, and you want to make sure that you are never that guy who brings the group down.
So how do you make yourself happy, even if you aren't really feeling 100% that day?
Before you go out, close your eyes imagine yourself at whatever venue you plan to go to. Imagine that you approach a beautiful woman, maybe many women, and they are just loving it! Imagine that you conveying to them your individuality and that they all love it. In fact, they are entranced by you - everything about you. Imagine that whatever you want to happen that night happens.
Maybe you are looking for a one night stand? Imagine that you go home with that woman in your mind, and imagine every lurid detail. Are you looking to get phone numbers? Imagine that the women you meet beg you for yours.
Imagine all of the positive feelings that you're going to have tonight. The rush of talking to a beautiful woman, the thrill of escalating a woman's attraction to you, the genuine excitement of sharing yourself with someone that you value.
Really soak it all up.
Now how do you feel? Good, right?
Want to get more excited? Do something physical. Get your blood flowing. Do some push-ups or jumping-jacks. Throw on some loud party music that gets you pumped up! Yell, jump around, go crazy!
Notice how you feel afterward.
That's how you should feel when you walk into the bar or the club or wherever.
Beautiful women get rejected all the time, but we normally don't notice it. That's because rejection is a lot more subtle for them than it is for us. Men feel rejected when they ask for a phone number and a girl says "no way" or when we try to kiss them and they pull away. These are pretty obvious cues that someone doesn't want to be with us and it is extremely difficult to misinterpret them.
So what is a rejection cue for a woman? What does it look like?
First, think about all the time that women put into their appearance. Not just makeup, but their whole "look". They spend time thinking about what they are going to wear on a particular night, whether they are going for classy or fun or whatever, which attributes of their body their clothes accentuate, what the colors do to their hair, eye, and skin color, and the list goes on and on.
Why is it that they do this? Men like looking good to, but we normally don't go to the same lengths that women do.
This is because the primary indicator if interest for a woman is actually being approached. If she signals to you that she wants you to approach her, and you don't go, you've rejected her, and she'll feel it. Their game is way more subtle than ours. When they approach you, that doesn't mean that she comes up to you and ask "hey my name is Brittney, what's your name"? They do much smaller, subtler things. Maybe they stand close to you, or look you in the eye, or smile at you.
Although this can be seen as them making the first move, it's totally on you to make any interaction a reality.
But most men don't either don't see those cues, or they do and just don't have the balls to approach. If you don't approach them, you reject them.
Question time: do you think that rejection, even if it's as subtle as I described it above, hurts a woman's feelings more or less than it hurts ours?
Well let's think about that for a moment. How many hours did it take you to get ready before you went out that night? How much time did you spend picking out what you want to wear? How much time did you brood over whether to wear your hair up or down? Oh, what's that? No time at all?
Case in point.
They have spent so much time working on and cultivating the things that they believe will draw men to them, that if you wuss out and don't approach them you are going to hurt their feelings. And women take rejection very personally. Most men, although not all men, just let rejection roll off of them like water, which is a great thing. Women tend to mull over it, as if there really is something wrong with her that made you decided to turn away and sip your beer.
I want you to really think about this the next time you go out. Look, men just aren't that great of picking up on the subtleties of human interaction. So the next time you even think "this lady just smiled at me", just get up and go talk to her! She wants you to do it!
Even if you get no cue whatsoever, just go over with this in mind: You're a guy, so if she gave you some sign that she wants you to approach her, you totally missed it.
Just give yourself the benefit of the doubt.
And check this out:
There was a study done not too long ago about men approaching women and how your initial frame of mind before your approach affects the outcome. This seems totally obvious, and it is, really, but it's cool that they finally have scientific backing for this very specific phenomenon.
Here is how the experiment worked: there were two groups of guys and one group of attractive women. Each guy would be paired up with a girl who he had never met in a room alone and they would interact for about 15 minutes and then leave.
They had two groups of men; each guy in Group 1 was told that the woman he was to meet had already seen his picture and his profile, and that she was really nervous to meet him, fearing that he was out of her league. Group 2 had no such treatment. The scoring was based on the fluidity of the interaction and the general mood.
Who do you think did better? It was the guys who walked in believing that they had the upper hand. Duh! Because they felt like the women were nervous talking to them, they were able to be much more confident and genuine, which in turn made the women feel more comfortable.
You can use this notion of competitive advantage in order to boost your own confidence, which leads me to the next point...
This is one of the most powerful tools imaginable for making yourself more confident around women and subsequently more likely to approach them. But first, a question for you:
Do you think that women don't feel those same butterflies in their stomachs that you feel when they are around people they are attracted to?
You're damn right they do! Beautiful women seem like they are disinterested, cool, and collected simply because most of the time they are interacting with people that they are completely uninterested in because those guys are being lame. Why would they ever get nervous? Do you get nervous talking to a woman that you have no interest in having sex with or getting to know? Absolutely not. You simply don't care whether she is there or not because she does nothing to make your life more exciting.
But what about when they are around men who attract them?
Beautiful women are not robots. When they are around men who make them horny or whom they are genuinely interested in, they feel it, the same way that feel it when you are around a beautiful woman.
Put yourself in their shoes for a second. A woman's desire to have sex is just as intense as it is for men, it's just different. They want you to talk to them in a way that reveals your true personality because they want you to flip the switches in their brain that make them ready for a sexual relationship in the same way that you want to see a woman with curves.
So instead of thinking "oh man, I don't know what I'm going to say to this girl" as you approach a woman, imagine the joy she is going to feel when you approach her and show her insight into your life and your passions that invigorates and excites her!
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