Party Planning

So much more than meets the eye!  From the moment your guests walk through the door to the moment they leave -- and even before the party starts, being a host is more than just opening your house up for people to drop by!

Oh, yes!  As you're about to find out being the perfect host of your party involves more -- much more -- than merely laying out the table with food, providing your guests with a few drinks, then crossing your fingers and hoping it all turns out well.

If it were that easy, you'd see many more people hosting events. 

But even at that, it's not really as difficult as some people would have you believe.  There are really no ground rules ... just lots of suggestions.

Pre-party duties

What?  My duties begin even before the people walk through the door.

Of course.  In many ways every step you take in planning your party is a "pre-party" host duty.  And from what I've seen you're coming along just fine.  We'll just touch on a few more "pre-party" duties.  Before you know it, you'll be waiting for those guests to be ringing your doorbell.

If you have just about everything in place when the guests arrive, you're definitely already adopting "the perfect host" syndrome.  Congratulations.

Above and beyond any other duty, it's your duty to have a good time.  If you don't enjoy yourself at your own party, there's no way you can expect anyone else to. 

So just loosen up and enjoy the moment.  Don't worry if you make a slight faux pas here and there.  Most of your guests will never notice it.  They'll notice, however, whether you're enjoying yourself.  They're also notice if you're nervous or on edge.  And those emotions will ripple through the party faster than you can say "Let's skip a stone on the pond."

You, as host, are in a very fundamental way the "decider" of the mood.  If you've never hosted an event before, you're about to find out how your mood affects your party.

Do you need a co-host?

Don't blaze that party trail alone.  Really!  Don't even hesitate to include a co-host or two ... or three ... depending on the size of your party or the amount of time you have in a day.

It may be somebody as obvious as your husband, or boyfriend.  Or you may enlist the services of your best friend. I'd suggest you garner the services of your mother (as I recently heard one party planning expert suggest) but that sounds like an explosion waiting to happen to me.  Use your judgment on that one. And good luck!

If you're going to ask someone help you plan then search for someone to complement your talents.  If you're not good with details, then choose someone who is.

If you're not familiar with the etiquette of a dinner party, think about asking for help from someone experienced in that area. 

Another pre-party task is to know about your guests before they walk through your door.  Now, granted, you're going to know a lot about those guests who are already your friends.  But, there are going to be some you may not be too sure about.

And to be a good host, know ahead of time some things about your guests you may not have known -- like their favorite drinks, their favorite snacks ... even their likes and dislikes at the dinner table. 

It's difficult to plan a menu that pleases everyone one-hundred percent.  However, let's say, you know that Bill, who's attending just hates chicken -- and you're serving chicken.  You can graciously add one of his favorite side dishes so that he can eat more of that than the chicken.

Or you may want to offer a second alternative of a beef roast and have your guests choose. This may mean a little more work, but if you know ahead of time who would like want, the actual preparation is fairly easy.

Is there a vegan in the house?  If one or two of your guests are vegans -- that is, vegetarians in the strictest sense -- then make accommodations for them at the meal.  You may make sure that one of the side dishes is a hearty meatless casserole, so they can leave the table just as satisfied as the meat-eaters.

Speaking of guests ...

All the great hosts seem to have a talent and a gift for creating the perfect guest list.  Creating just the right mix of people is the backbone of any great party.

And how do you exactly go about doing this?

For starters, think about all aspects of your guests. For example, don't invite one lone unmarried single person if the everyone else is coming as married couples or serious romantic couples.

Try to keep the mix of married and unmarried relative stable. The same with the mix of men and women.  If you have one lone gentleman on your guest list surrounded by women, he may feel uncomfortable.

On the other hand, don't plan the invitation list with "matchmaking" in mind.  First, most people don't like to be placed on the spot like that.  Secondly, it can be embarrassing -- for you and your guests -- if the atmosphere of the party is that of an evening of speed dating.

In the perfect party world ...

You're going to be totally prepared, hand on the doorknob waiting for the bell to ring forty-five minutes to an hour before the start of the party.  Any professional party planner will tell you that.

Let me tell you that's in the abstract party world.  Reality has a way of hitting a host square in the time-warp continuum.  You'll be dressed alright -- because I've already told you about my recurring nightmare. 

But guaranteed, there will be some small task or two (okay maybe three or four) that you have yet to take care of. 

So when the first guest rings that bell and you're looking for a way to break the ice ... well, have him or her do just that.  He can fill the ice bucket for the bar or other small duties.

This serves two essential tasks.  The first is that it helps to make your first guest feel more at home and comfortable.  And it relieves you of some of those duties you just didn't get to yet.

And on my part it has served as a nice transition from your pre-host duties to your hosting duties.

Let the party begin ...

As guest begin to file in, be sure not only to greet them warmly but to offer them drinks, appetizers and hors d'oeuvres.  Anything you can do at the very beginning to make them feel more comfortable will help to ensure that continued feeling as the evening goes on.

Some hosts go so far as to have a tray of drinks ready for his guests when he answers the door.  This might be a bit much.  It might be a nice touch if it were summer.  But it could become a bit of a balancing act for all in the winter time.  The first thing most guests want to do is to take their coats off.

You may want to have a "junior host" in charge of coats.  If you don't have  coat rack large enough to hold all the guests outerwear, seek out a pre-teen volunteer who can collect the shedded coats as the party-goers take them off at the door.  She or he can then directly to a bedroom and place them gently on a bed.

Of course, there's no need to tell the perfect host that you are, that a few introductions to other guests should be issued upon the arrival of new ones.  Don't force the newly met folks into a strained conversation, but a quick introduction is great.

If you happen to know that they work in similar industries or share similar hobbies that could kick off a conversation naturally, then by all means mention this shared interest.  Let them take it from there.  It could provide hours of conversation, but at the very least it serves as an ice breaker.

Don't hide in the kitchen!

And if you think that the perfect host spends all his time in the kitchen or behind the scenes "hiding" (you know exactly who you are and what I mean) you're wrong ... dead wrong.  And that's the type of party you'll end up with a dead one.

Get out there and mix and mingle with the best of them!  Make it your goal to talk to each and every guest.  The more you move from conversation to conversation, the more your guests will mingle as well.

If you feel as if you're going to be at a total loss of how to break the ice with your guests, then use what I call "cheaters."  These are small manufactured devises created especially to stimulate guests to walk around some or to spur conversation.

What do I mean? 

Start with small disposable cameras.  Ask the guests to take pictures as the evening goes on.  Then when they've finished a camera, have them place it in a basket already designated as the "used camera basket." 

You can then get these developed and placed on line. Your guests will have a great time taking the pictures and enjoy looking at the pictures after the event.

Another cheater helps to stimulate conversation at the dinner table.  This is especially helpful if you have a list of guests who may not know each other very well.  There are several such tricks out on the market, but the one I've used for years and years is called "Table Topics."

These are cards that feature fun, topic-provoking questions.  And yes, they really do work. I was worried that they would be lame.  But they have produced some of the most sparkling, engaging conversations at the dinner parties I've hosted.

As the evening continues, be aware of the small gestures you can make to help your guests feel more comfortable.  If the weather turns chilly for example and everyone is on the patio offer warm socks for those who are wearing sandals.   You may also offer those are chilly a light jacket or sweater.

You've seen it happen, I'm sure.  The party that starts out great and then somehow blows up into a total disaster.  It leaves everyone standing around how something that started out so wonderful can end with such misery.

It doesn't take much
To ruin a party!

The truth of the matter is that parties, by their very nature, I suppose, bring out both the worst in some people and the best in others.  It takes only one single individual to ruin a party.  And it doesn't take much.  A bad conversation.  Drinking too much.  Or just a rudeness or bluntness not suited to the scenario.

As a host, though, you can do your best not only to smooth this over if you see it occurring, but actually try to avoid these types of situations in the first place.  And you don't even have to don your cape to become super-host to do it!

Again, the key is to think and plan ahead.  Don't play ostrich and assume that these types of things would never happen at your party.  Don't assume your friends or relatives would ever create a scene or spoil the moment.

Granted, your good friends and your most cherished relatives probably would never purposely do this.  But there are times, when we're all driven beyond our breaking points.  And if we've already had a couple of drinks in us ... It makes it all the more likely for this to occur.

Part of this, of course, can be avoided by simply taking another good hard look at the guest list before sending out the invitations. Don't allow anyone to pressure you into inviting Uncle George if your gut is telling you his drinking may get out of hand.

Don't invited Jenny and Bill both knowing that they just went through a messy break-up and plates were literally whizzing past them during an argument.

Don't know about some of the other people on the guest list?  Don't be shy in asking around prior to the party.  You may feel like a private detective, but a few minutes of questioning here and there may be exactly what saves your party from turning into a World Wrestling Entertainment event!