Chapter 6 : Options to Pregnancy

While you're exploring your odds of getting pregnant, don't rule out the possibility of adopting a child.  Yes, I know that the idea of adoption may not actually be what you're looking for -- at least not right now, while you're in the midst of struggling with your infertility.

But, your sincere desire and enthusiasm to be a parent tells me you'd be a great parent -- with lots of love to offer -- whether the child is "yours" biologically or yours through avenues other than biological considerations.

Indeed, books have been written on the topic, so this small mention in this chapter won't provide you with everything you need to know about the process.  But what it does provide is a reminder that as badly as you're searching for a child of your own, there are children out there wishing they could find parents loving enough to call them their own.

Having said that, adoption is a very serious step.  It's not something one spouse comes home and announces and the other just falls in line without thinking.  It's an action in which both partners must whole heartedly agree.

Many couples hold the mistaken impression, unfortunately, that finding a newborn to adopt -- especially in the United States is next to impossible.  Of course, it's always good to keep an open mind about the age of the child you'd care to adopt, many couples do have their hearts set on raising a child from the very beginning.

Dif this happens to be you and your partner, don't let well-meaning but misinformed friends and family tell you it's impossible -- because it isn't.
Currently estimates put the number of infants adopted in this country between 25,000 and 30,000.  These numbers may not mean a whole lot to you, but consider this:  these adoptions are more than all international adoptions combined.

But more than that, adopting a newborn in this country may not take as long as you though either.  The process usually occurs quite quickly.  In a recent survey conducted by Adoptive Families the majority of families adopting were matched with a birth mother in less than 12 months.  Not only that, but nearly 20 percent were notified a baby was waiting for them -- without their being pre-matched -- after the baby had been born.

How it occurs

In the United States, it's customary for the adoptive parents to be selected by the birthparents of the child.  Not only that, but in more than half of the cases, the birthparents and the adoptive parents have met.

The extent of contact following the birth and the official adoption itself varies from family to family though.  Initially, both the birth parents and the adoptive parents appreciate the chance to meet and to get to know each other.

Whether the relationship is continued depends on the specific circumstances of the families involved.  You may have some very strong opinions along this line.  Many people do.

Depending on the state or states in which you live, you -- as the adoptive parents -- may share the burden for some of the expenses related to the delivery and medical expenses of the mother and the unborn baby.

Just keep in mind that every state has its own laws In regard to adoption.  If you're interested in viewing these just click to www.theadoptionguide.com/files/StateAdoptionLaws.pdf.  Here you'll find a downloadable digital document that give you a rough idea about the adoption laws in your state.

The cost of adoption and other factors

In addition to the laws, many couples don't have a clue about the real costs of adoption.    For the most part, adoption costs the average couple between $20,000 and $25,000. Depending on the specific circumstances, the final cost could climb even higher.

Private adoptions in the United States usually involve newborns.  And while there are no restrictions on the age of the adoptive parents in the vast majority of states, many birthparents choose adoptive couples who are between the ages of 25 and 45. 

Don't worry though if you don't fit that age profile.  These couples are united with children, it usually just takes a little longer.

Most birthparents look first to two-parent families to place their child in.  But that's not always the case, either.  I know of one birth mother who expressly looked for a single, professional mom for her child.

Yes, adoption is alive and well in the United States.  Don't let anyone tell you any differently.  If you're interested in this option, talk with your doctor, or find a local adoption agency.  You can also find more information from various organizations with a presence on the internet.

Surrogate Pregnancy?

While many people are familiar with this option to conceiving naturally, it is indeed one of the more controversial methods.  Initially, several decades ago, a surrogate pregnancy involved the egg of the surrogate mom being inseminated with the sperm of the intended father.

That meant the child biologically was the creation of the mother who carried the fetus to term and the biological father.  At birth, however, the surrogate mother relinquishes the baby to the father's partner.

The inherent danger is that after a couple goes through the expense and emotional trauma of making this decision the baby, biologically is the surrogates.  As in a much celebrated and publicized case in the 1980s, should the surrogate mom change her mind about relinquishing the baby, the intended parents may have little legal right to object.

Of course in the past 20 to 25 years, a new twist has been added to the experience.  Now, the surrogate can have the egg of the both the intended mom and dad implanted in her. In this way, her system is merely a "vehicle" for pregnancy.  The intended mom is also the biological mother.

Before you even consider this route -- and there appears to be many sites on the web asking you to think about -- you need to discover the laws pertinent to your state.  For one thing, this method may be illegal where you live.

If you do investigate this, then its best if you're at least vaguely familiar with some of the terms used in this procedure.  You may hear people or read articles which refer to a gestational surrogacy.  Also called a fully surrogacy or surrogate, this involves both the egg and sperm of the genetic couple -- the partners intending to be the baby's parents.  The "carrier" or woman carrying the baby is not genetically or biologically related to the baby at all.

A natural surrogacy is slightly different.  The surrogate mother is inseminated with the sperm from the male partner of the infertile couple.  The child then is biologically related to the surrogate and the male partner.  But the child has no biological link to the woman who will raise the baby, the female partner.

Who usual considers these types of procedures?  Very often women whose ovaries aren't working properly due to premature menopause of some other health condition.

In same cases, the woman is fertile, but uses the egg of another woman to reduce the risk of passing a genetic disease or defect on to her children.

While this may appear to be an appealing means of gaining a child of your own, be very careful before you jump into this process. Legally it's tricky and emotionally it's even potentially trickier for all involved.

Donor Insemination

Have you ever heard of the term "donor insemination"?  You may not know the procedure by that very stately term, but chances are you're familiar with the process once it's been explained.

Donor insemination is the placement of a sperm within a woman's uterus which ahs been obtained through a sperm donor.  The origin of this sperm, more often than not, is not the woman's partner.  Usually the sperm is obtained through a sperm back or it may come from a known 'sperm donor.

See, I told you that you'd be familiar with the process if not the name.

Obviously, this option to a conventional traditional pregnancy is not for couples where the women is experiencing problems in fertilizing an egg or carrying an embryo and fetus to full time.

For the most part, this option is chosen by those couples in which the male partner is infertile while the female partner has no fertility issues.  It may also be an option for two females in a same-sex relationship who choose to raise a family.  And there are some single women who want to be parents, but are not in a place in their lives where they've found their ideal partner.

The process itself.

So what exactly is involved in this procedure?  The initial step is the selection of a sperm from a sperm bank.  You'd be surprised at the number of sperm banks available to choose from.  The sheer number of them existing means -- almost by default -- that some of them are better sources than others. 

These banks indeed run the gamut when it comes to the number of donors available, the quality and quantity of the information of the donor as well as the eventual availability of the donor's identification.

You'd be pleasantly surprised to learn that sperm banks must meet certain requirements in a number of areas, not the least of these is in the area of infectious diseases.

But the banks go one step further than just though too. Sperm banks considered to be certified must met specific requirements when it comes to these diseases.  In addition to that, sperm entering the bank is "quarantined" for a certain time period.

Exactly where a woman gets "inseminated" is up to the specific policies of the bank and her personal preference.  Some women, for example, prefer to perform the inseminations at home.  If this is the case, it's almost certain she'll be receiving an intra-vaginal insemination.

If on the other hand the insemination is to be performed in a physician's office the sperm is shipped directly from the sperm bank to the health care practitioner.  It's stored her until the timing for insemination matches your cycle.

The recommended process is called intrauterine insemination.  Studies have shown that the chances of a successful conception increase when the exposure of the sperm itself is controlled.  The chances of success also increase when the sperm is placed in larger numbers and as close to the egg or eggs as possible.

You're responsible -- not the doctor -- for contacting the sperm bank to select and request the sperm. Once you've done that the sperm bank ships it to your doctor's office where it stays in storage in liquid oxygen.   Once you and your doctor decide the time is right, then sperm counts on performed on the donor sperm.

Using at known donor sperm

What, you have your own opinion on the sperm you should use?  And you want to use one from an individual you already know?

But before you do this, think about all the potential problems that could arise. For once, think like a pessimist and not an optimist.  If you use a known donor, is he going to want some voice in raising the child? Does he realize exactly what he's offering?

Both of you -- prior to even getting involved in this process -- need to visit attorney (and obviously not the same one!).  You can see how this can open a legal, as well a moral can of worms.  But, if you two can come to some understanding, it certainly can work out well for both of you!

And that's it!  Before you know it you'll hopefully be pregnant.  And what a wonderfully feeling that will be!

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