You alone are responsible for making your wishes come true. You alone are the one who has to make things happen. You alone make or break your own success. But one of your greatest resources is other people.
Whatever effort you make on your own, you can multiply by enlisting the help of other people. Other people have resources you don’t have; a different point of view, different ideas, different skills, different experiences, and different contacts. When you enlist other people in your cause, their resources become your resources.
The people you already know can help you ask for help from literally anyone in the country. For example, suppose you’re a high school student and you want to ask a favor of the president of the United States. First, you would talk to someone you already know - a teacher, your school principal, a coach, or perhaps the owner of a local business where you work during summer vacation. Let’s assume that you’ve decided to approach the business owner. Chances are that he or she knows many of the leading citizens of your community. One of these leading citizens most likely knows the congressperson from your area. You can be sure that this congressperson has the clout to place a phone call to the president of the United States.
Your plan of action would be to ask the business owner, to ask the community leader, to ask the congressman, to ask the president for a favor on your behalf. Four steps and you’re at the very top. If you can reach the president this easily, you can reach anyone else you care to reach.
Think of someone who might help you make your wish come true. If you’re trying to land your dream job, you might want to reach the person who is hiring. If you’re trying to get your big break as an actor, you might want to reach a Hollywood producer. If you’ve written a book, you might want to contact a publisher. Think of anyone anywhere who could help you, and then think of how you might reach that person through the people you already know.
People can help you in so many ways. They can give you advice, training, money, feedback, contacts, and emotional support. They can make the difference between spectacular success and lonely failure. They can give you everything you need to make your wish come true. There’s just one catch: If you want help you’re going to have to ask for it. When you do, you will want to stack the deck in your favor. Here is a five-step strategy that will help you earn a Yes when you ask for something instead of a No.
The best way to help someone help you is to be specific about what you’re asking for. If your helper doesn’t know exactly what you want, how can he or she help you get it? For that matter, if you don’t know exactly what you want, how can you ask for it?
Be specific. If you’re asking for money, ask for exactly the amount you need and when you need it. If you’re asking for an introduction to someone, specify who, and why, and exactly what you want your helper to say on your behalf. If you’re asking for advice, ask your advisor for a specific solution to a specific problem. If you aren’t specific about what you ask for, you won’t get it.
Before you ask for something, first ask yourself this question: Can this person give me what I want? If the answer is No, then find someone who can.
If you want money, ask someone who can give it to you or can help you get it. If you want a promotion or a new job, ask someone who can promote you, or hire you, or put you in touch with someone who can. If you want to sell something, ask someone who has the power to buy it. When you go to the trouble to ask for something, make sure you ask someone who can give it to you.
People may help you out of love; they may help you out of compassion; but they will definitely help you out of self-interest. If you want someone to help you, make it worth their while.
When you ask for something, the question that is most likely to form in the mind of the person you’re asking is: What’s in it for me? How you answer that question will largely determine whether or not that person is willing to help you. If you can find a way to sufficiently enrich the person’s life, they will be eager to enrich yours. If you can find a way to serve him or her, you will be amazed how willingly they serve you. You don’t have to convince them, you don’t have to persuade them, and you don’t have to pressure them. You have only to make it worth their while. The rest will take care of itself.
I don’t mean act sincere; I mean be sincere. It’s not a matter how you come across; it’s a matter of how you feel. Do you really want what you’re asking for? If not, how can you expect someone else to want to give it to you? Are you certain about what you want? If not, the person you’re asking for help will be uncertain about giving it to you.
Whenever you feel a conflict on the inside, it shows on the outside. It makes people more likely to resist you than to help you. If you have doubts about what you want, convince yourself first, before you try to convince anyone else. Then, when you’re sure about what you want, you can ask for it sincerely, with absolute conviction. The more convinced you are about what you want, the more likely you are to convince someone else to help you get it.
Some people hear the word no and give up. Other people hear no and think that all they need is a bigger hammer. When they find one, they keep pounding until they hear a yes. Either approach is not recommended.
No means that what you’re doing isn’t working, so try something else. You don’t need a hammer; you need a key - the key that will unlock the other person’s heart.
Maybe you haven’t asked the right question yet. Maybe you haven’t made it worth that person’s while. Maybe you haven’t been specific enough. Maybe you haven’t been sincere. Somewhere along the line you haven’t done whatever it is you need to do to inspire that person to help you. So try something else. Or try someone else. And keep trying until you get what you want. If you keep trying until you get what you ask for, you will always get what you ask for.
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