Wedding Etiquette

Chapter 3 : Who's Doing What?

The first thing that needs to be figured out is who will be handling what aspects of your wedding day.

This is often a difficult situation because people will go one of two ways.

They may want to do anything and everything for you. They may want to pay for everything, spoil you rotten and make sure that everything is perfect for you. They often want a controlling hand in the wedding planning to go along with this, though.
They may instead want to play a minimal role in your wedding, making sure that you pay for and lead the way in your wedding decisions.

Of course, you are looking for the happy medium here. To make sure that this happens, the first thing that you need to do is to get together those that will play a large role in your wedding celebration and planning including those that do want to play a role and those that are close family.

This would include:

Parents, step parents, and grandparents.
Siblings.
Godparents or mentors within the family or friend structure.
Close friends.
The wedding party.

When everyone can come together, they can make decisions as a whole or at least find out what role they will play in this very important day for you and for them. Now, who's doing what?

The Wedding Etiquette Breakdown Of Who's Who

Here's a breakdown of some of the most important players and what they are traditionally supposed to do on your wedding day.

Mother Of The Bride

#1 goal is to make sure that the bride's wishes are carried out the way that she wants them to be. The mother of the bride is there to help her to make sure that what she wants and what she needs happens.

It is very important that the mother of the bride allows for the bride's tastes, desires and needs to be provided for. This does not mean that they can dictate what happens, but rather should insure that what does is what the bride wants.

As one of the largest role players, here are her responsibilities:

The Wedding Attire. The mother of the bride should help to find the perfect dress for the wedding, including undergarments and accessories. Not your tastes, but hers should come through.
Guest Lists. The mother of the bride should help to organize guest lists, coordinating with the mother of the groom. If the mother of the groom does not contact her, she should make the first attempt.
Help the bride and groom determine their wedding budget. While she should not do all the work, she should help them allocate where money is going and what are the important aspects to consider.
Out Of Town Guests. Those guests that are coming from out of town on the bride's side of the family should be well taken care of by the mother of the bride.
Arranging accommodations and transportation for them is her responsibility. Often this can be minimized if a block of rooms is available to guests at the local hotels as needed by the mother of the bride.
Wedding Gowns. You will select your wedding dress first, but you need to immediately tell the mother of the groom what style and color it is so that she can match or coordinate hers with yours.
Wedding Ceremony. The mother of the bride will need to insure that all the direction for the wedding is given and understood. Where will people stand, sit and how it all will happen are just a few of these concerns. Insure that the receiving line is set up properly as well.
Hostess. As the mother of the bride, you are the hostess of the reception. Have someone help you to plan and execute it.

Mother Of The Groom

The mother of the groom has a fine line when it comes to the planning and executing of the wedding. There are some very important things that she should do, but her role is largely dictated by the role that her son and her soon to be daughter in law encourage her to play.

Here are some of her responsibilities according to etiquette.

The most important role is to congratulate. The mother of the groom should call the bride's parents and congratulate and introduce herself to them.
Announcing how happy she is for the couple, she may want to invite them to dinner at her home or out to a special dinner. A formal get together or an informal one, it is important to get together with them.
The Guest List. The mother of the groom should work with the bride and groom to determine what the right amount of guests should be. Should there be a limit; the groom's mother should insure that she meets this limit. Providing a complete and accurate guest list quickly is essential.
The Dress. The mother of the bride should select her gown first. The mother of the groom should match hers in style and in color. While it does not have to be exactly the same, it should coordinate. It should not match the bride or the bridesmaids.
Out Of Town Guests. The mother of the groom should provide for out of town guests that are on the groom's side. Making accommodations and transportation available to them is her job.
The Rehearsal Dinner. The mother of the groom is responsible for the hosting of the rehearsal dinner. She should invite everyone that plays a role in the ceremony and should at least include his or her significant other. Children may also be invited. As for the type of dinner that it is, this is up to her. She can select an informal get together or a more elaborate dinner.
Introduce the family and friends on the groom's side to the bride and her mother. This is usually done in the reception line.

The Maid Of Honor

As maid of honor, you have a special role and place in the wedding. You will insure that the bridesmaids are doing what they should and you set the tone for them. You also should insure that the wedding fits the bride's plans.

Here are some of the tasks that proper wedding etiquette says that the maid of honor should perform.

Wedding invitations. The maid of honor should help to address and send the invitations as well as any announcements.
Host the shower. The maid of honor should throw a party in honor of the couple. This may be the bridal shower. They should work with others in the family for planning and executing this very important event.
Attend all parties and other pre nuptial events.
Help the bride throughout the ceremony including help with her train, the receiving line, holding the bride's bouquet during the ceremony, witness the ceremony and sign the marriage certificate, and to carry the groom's ring until needed, unless best man does this.
Help the bride to dress. Assist in her dressing as well as with the other bridesmaids. Help her to undress after the wedding.
Assist the flower girl with directions and insure she performs her role effectively.
Help the bride to leave the reception and to have her luggage packed for going away plans.
Have her wedding dress taken care of including cleaning and preserving as per the wishes of the bride.

Best Man

The best man plays a large role in the wedding as well. Here are some of his responsibilities.

Provide for the marriage license. He needs to make sure the groom has it!
Provide the minister's fee to the minister. The groom should give it to him.
Travel arrangements. The best man should provide for travel arrangements to each destination. He should also provide all the necessary help for planning a honeymoon too.
Gets the groom to the church.
Helps the groom to dress for the wedding. He should also help the ring bearer and other groomsmen do the same. The best man should help to insure the ring bearer is taken care of.
Organize and monitor groomsmen. Insure they are where they are supposed to be on time.
Provide for any errands that need to be done. The best man should coordinate with the bride's mother and the couple to make sure that they have all that is needed.
Makes the first toast at the wedding reception. He should also be the first to arrive at the reception and greets guests and the bride and groom when they arrive.
Acts as a host throughout the day, helping anyone that needs it.
Helps the groom and bride to leave with the maid of honor's help.
The best man should also take the tux for himself and the groom back to the rental location. He should take care of the cleaners if the tux is to stay with the groom.
Has flowers delivered for the bride and the groom on their honeymoon.
He also signs the marriage certificate as a witness.

These are the main players in the wedding. It is necessary to insure that anyone that wants to be included do so as long as the bride and groom agree to it. Following these wedding etiquette steps will help to keep things organized and keep people from having feelings hurt.